What I Wish I Knew About My Worth as a Teen

Not to sound overdramatic, but this could be the most important post that you read all year. Here's why.

I get to work with a bunch of amazing students who are actively growing in Christian leadership. They are learning how to lead themselves first, so that they can in turn lead others well for the glory of God. Christian leadership begins with Christian identity, and by identity I mean who you are. And not only that...but who you believe you are.

Why Does Satan Attack Our Identity?

Did you know those are actually two different things: who you actually are and who you believe that you are? It's so important to discuss both of these because the area that Satan attacks students and adults is in the area of identity.

Why identity? Because if you think about it, your entire life flows from who you believe/think you are. Below is a simple visual illustration that I showed to my students in class. This cycle is admittedly a little oversimplified, but it's sufficient to serve our purposes.

At the top is identity: who you are. Who you are determines what you want, your desires. What you want is what fills your mind with thoughts (we're always thinking about what we want). Those thoughts turn into feelings. And when we feel strongly enough about what we want, we go get it with actions (behavior). And the actions that we take on a consistent basis, without even thinking anymore, those become habits. At the very basic level of human behavior, we are our habits.

The Interconnectedness of Habits and Identity

Like I said, the above illustration is a bit oversimplified. One thing I want to add that I really appreciate is something that the philosopher James K. A. Smith said in his book You Are What You Love. He said, "Habits shape our identity." Habits form and shape desire, thought, feelings, actions, and ultimately, our identities.

That's why your parents may force you to go to church or to school or to take piano lessons. They force you to do certain things because those actions do form who you are becoming.

That's why when you're trying to build a new good habit, it's more effective not to focus on the habit itself but to focus on the identity of the person who would perform that habit.

James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, says to not focus on running a marathon. Instead, focus on becoming a runner, because it is the identity of a runner who would run every day that would result in a marathon. Don't focus on writing a book. Focus on becoming a writer, because a writer will write consistently every day that will eventually result in a book. James Clear said, "Every action you take is a vote for the kind of person that you want to become." In turn, who you are (your identity) also goes through the cycle of desires and thoughts and feelings to feed the actions that you actually take. It works both ways.

The Role of Identity in Scripture

I want to remind you how the Apostle Paul addressed Christians. Does he address their behaviors or does he address their identity? In the book of 1 Corinthians, you see that Corinth was a messed up church full of immorality and sin. And how did the Apostle Paul address the people of Corinth in chapter one?

“To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints together with all those who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, both their Lord and ours…” -1 Corinthians 1:2

He calls them saints. Even though their actions, habits, behaviors were not saintly and contradicting that identity, Paul addresses them as saints, as Christians, to remind them of their true identity, so that they would align their behaviors with it.

Satan attacks us in the area of identity because if he can get us there at the root, that ignites the whole unhealthy cycle of producing the wrong desires, which leads to wrong thoughts, which leads to wrong feelings, which leads to wrong actions, and that whole vicious cycle just perpetuates itself, over and over.

Ask yourself, "What actually happened when I became a Christian?" It was essentially an identity change.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” - 2 Corinthians 5:17

Satan's Attack on Our Identity

So how does Satan actually attack us in the area of our identity? He appeals to our need for self-worth. He appeals to our need for a sense of significance and value as a person.

The following ideas are inspired by the book The Search for Significance by Robert McGee, and this is the book that my students in my leadership class is going through together this school year. Let me read and excerpt from The Search for Significance, and you tell me if you agree with it. McGee says,

"We find ourselves searching to satisfy some inner, unexplained yearning. Our hunger causes us to search for people who will love us. Our desire for acceptance pressures us to perform for the praise of others. We strive for success, driving our minds and our bodies harder and farther, hoping that because of our sweat & sacrifice, others will appreciate us more.

But the man or woman who lives only for the love & attention of others is never satisfied–at least, not for long. We will never find lasting, fulfilling peace if we have to continually prove ourselves to others.

Our desire to be loved and accepted is a symptom of a deeper need–the need that often governs our behavior and is the primary source of our emotional pain–our need for self-worth."

I don't know about you, but I agree with this 100%. I relate to this search for love, for acceptance, for the praise of others, for appreciation, for success, for attention, and for peace. These are all symptoms of our need for significance and for a deep sense of self-worth and personal value.

Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem

It might be helpful to compare and contrast the definition of self-worth with self-esteem. Self-worth is a person's internal core belief in their own value and importance that is worthy of love and acceptance regardless of external circumstances. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is how a person feels about himself or herself that's influenced by external circumstantial factors that can change. So while self-worth is a deep inner core belief about your worth and value as a person that is not contingent on anything you have done or not done (your performance), your self-esteem IS dependent on external factors.

For example, you have high self-esteem when you perform well, and you have low self-esteem when you perform poorly. You have high self-esteem when people love you, and you have lower self-esteem when people dislike you. These definitions of self-worth and self-esteem are helpful because all of us face our own self-worth and our own self-esteem every single day.

How We Lost Our Sense of Significance

How did we lose this sense of self-worth? What happened? Why are we on this search for significance? Why do we not feel significant anymore?

It can be traced back to Eden. When Adam and Eve rebelled against God by eating the forbidden fruit, they lost that intimate, secure, close relationship with God. The communion with God that they enjoyed in Eden was broken as a result of their sin.

Christians believe that Adam and Eve represented us in the Garden, and we are born in the line of Adam and Eve. So we are born with their original sin and guilt. In the line of Adam, we continue to rebel against God by not putting our sense of self-worth, security, and significance in God. We are guilty of searching for our significance in all the wrong places -- in our performance and in what other people think of us. That is the formula for Satan's most successful lie that he tells not just to teens and students, but also to full grown adults.

Satan's Most Success Lie to Teens

To prepare you for the next post where I will present two ways that we accidentally reject the self-worth that God has given to us, let's unpack a little bit about Satan's most successful lie to teens:

SELF-WORTH = YOUR PERFORMANCE + OTHERS’ OPINIONS OF YOU

Write this down. It's really simple, but it's profound. Satan's lie is that you you must earn your self-worth through your performance and through winning the approval of other people. God's truth, on the other hand, is that Jesus earned your self-worth for you when He came to succeed at life for you and to pay for the consequences of all the ways you fail at life when He died on the cross for you. In summary,

Satan's lie is that you must earn your own self-worth.

God's truth is that Jesus already earned your self-worth for you.

Conclusion

Nobody taught these truths to me when I was in middle school, high school, even in college. I didn't learn these life-changing truths until I was well into my 20s. You're blessed to learn this now so that you can apply these truths through middle school, high school, college, and for the rest of your life!

Brenda Jung is a Christian leadership mentor for middle and high school students who are actively investing in their personal leadership (the ability to lead yourself well) so that they can lead others well. She works with students in group leadership classes (The Well-Led Life Leadership Mastermind Program) and in monthly one-on-one mentorship sessions. For more information about how you can work with Brenda, visit www.weleadthis.com or email [email protected].